On Alarian writing

Every Alarian child knew that Æurlek – the most spoken Alarian language – was easier spoken than written. Spoken Æurlek sounded whispered and breathy at times, and thunderous and volcanic other times, which didn’t make for a very simple language.

Written Æurlek, however, was the reason why generations of students had been cursing Brother Taal’s “Alarian Grammatika” to the lowest and darkest pits of molten Chaos. Whoever thought an interdimensional language was a good idea needed to be branded sworn enemy of the state!

Æurlek's written form – the enemy of students – consisted of highly-calligraphic runes that constantly moved between dimensions without ever settling upon a definite form. Not only it couldn’t be observed with the naked eye, but it also gave anyone crazy enough to attempt it severe bouts of nausea and vertigo.

The implications behind this simple state of fact had been disastrous for the Alarian society at large: few readers and – understandably enough – even fewer writers. Considering the difficulty of the written language, Klaus Weaverson was the only Alarian author mad enough to pursue a career in writing – hence a bestselling author by default.

No one was really sure how Klaus Weaverson – known to the Alariankind as Klaus R. R. Weaverson – had managed to sell so many of his books. Seeing as reading was a guaranteed-traumatic experience of PTSD proportions, it was difficult to imagine why people would ever purchase books – it wasn’t as if anyone read them – but some claimed they looked particularly pretty on a shelf, despite the health hazards. Klaus Weaverson’s most notable work was: “Become a Weaver in just 10 restings – I will make you a Weaver in 5 easy steps or your ruvi back guaranteed!” It was one of those books which made one promptly lose hope in their species, on any reality.

Karura be praised for the invention of the Orange Lens! Well, not because Karura invented it, but because Alarians preferred to put their faith in real people rather than gods and deities. The Orange Lens meant one could finally look at an excerpt of Alarian text without violently emptying their bowels.

Through an Orange Lens, the letters of the Alarian text would stop turning upon themselves like a bunch of badly-tuned slot machines, and collapse upon a unified reality; one that didn’t involve any amounts of projectile vomit.

- Louise Blackwick

Advent 2017